


Together, apart

by catbythefirelight



Series: Recognition [3]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Established Relationship, F/M, Forbidden Love, Intercultural relationships, Secret Relationship, Zutara Week 2020
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-26
Updated: 2020-07-26
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:35:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25401706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catbythefirelight/pseuds/catbythefirelight
Summary: Zuko and Katara are young and in love and full of dreams. But it’s never enough.Zutara Week 2020, Day 1: Reunion
Relationships: Katara/Zuko (Avatar)
Series: Recognition [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1774327
Comments: 29
Kudos: 131
Collections: Zutara Week 2020





	Together, apart

**Author's Note:**

> This is a direct follow-up to ‘Build me up, strip me down’ in this series. I’d advise you to read that fic first! It’s quite short and it’s got a similar theme to this one - there was interest in a sequel, so here it is 😉

When Katara returned to the Fire Nation, it was noon. 

The sun was at its zenith in the sky. Zuko felt it call to him with each breath he took. Usually, he would be training at this time with his men. But when he received the notice that Katara’s ship had been sighted on its way to the harbour, he’d cleared his schedule for the next few hours and insisted on receiving Katara at the quay. 

Zuko licked his lips and tasted the salt in the air on them. His eyes were fixed on Katara’s ship. It wasn’t too far away now. Sweat beaded on his skin under the heavy weight of his regalia, but he stood stiffly, tense with anticipation. 

He saw a flash of blue on the deck of the ship, and he could see Katara’s figure, her arm waving frantically. He raised his hand and waved back, grinning, not caring if he looked like a fool. 

As the ship neared the deck, a bridge was lowered by the guards. The end of the bridge closest to them had barely touched solid ground when Katara started running down its length. She crashed into Zuko and he caught her, his arms wrapping around her waist. Zuko heard a few strangled coughs at their breach in protocol, but he ignored them. Just for a while. He tucked his face into Katara’s hair and greedily inhaled her scent, familiar and tinged with salt from her sweat and the sea. He hadn't seen her in months. All he wanted to do was hold her forever. 

Zuko whispered, “Come and meet me in my room later. There’s a passage between our rooms.” He detached himself from Katara. That’s when he caught sight of Hakoda behind Katara. Hakoda met Zuko’s eyes with an appraising, suspicious look. 

Zuko’s insides twisted, but he cleared his throat, bowing. “Ambassador Katara.” 

When he straightened, Katara pursed her lips as if she was restraining a smile. “Fire Lord Zuko.” Her voice was teasing. 

Katara curtsied for him. The movement was as graceful as any of her Waterbending forms – it was also the first time Zuko had ever seen her curtsy. He wondered if she’d learned to do it from someone. Maybe Toph had taught her how. He knew the Bei Fongs were close to being royalty in the Earth Kingdom. 

As Katara rose, Hakoda approached and sunk into a shallow bow. “Fire Lord.” 

Zuko bowed, schooling his face into impassivity. “Chief Hakoda. It’s my pleasure to host you here in the Fire Nation.” 

“It’ll be just for a few days. Then I’ll be on my way to the South Pole.” Hakoda’s tone was brisk. 

Zuko got the hint. “I’ll let you rest from your travels. We can all dine together at sunset later.” He waved towards one of his attendants, who rushed forwards to guide Hakoda to his palanquin. 

Zuko turned back to Katara. That’s when he caught the sight of a small, dark-skinned girl, clutching the hand of one of his guards. She flinched when she noticed Zuko looking at her. He realized that it was the scarred side of his face that she’d seen. His stomach dropped. 

Katara touched his arm. “You can say hello later,” she said, her voice soft. “Qing Shan’s not great with strangers, and you look quite imposing in those robes.” 

He nodded and guided her hand into the crook of his elbow, walking to her palanquin. “I missed you,” he whispered. 

“I missed you too.” Katara squeezed his elbow. Her eyes were bright and fixed on him. Zuko had to look away lest he get drawn into her intense stare and trip. It wouldn’t be seemly for the Fire Lord to be so clumsy. 

Zuko had long since memorized Katara’s face, her touch, the scent of her skin. He had relived their moments together a thousand times since she’d left. But his memories could never hold a candle to the real Katara, and now he realized there were some things he had almost forgotten about how he reacted to her presence. Little details like how his body instinctively inclined towards hers to keep her near. How his ears seemed to be tuned specifically to the timbre of her voice, making everyone else seem like they were just white noise. It was all coming back to him, almost like muscle memory set deep in his skin. 

Zuko helped Katara into her palanquin, squeezing her hand gently before releasing it. He quirked a little smile at Katara, and she returned it, a promise and understanding wrapped up in the upward curve of her lips. She glanced away and waved at the guard escorting Qing Shan, gesturing him over. 

He made his way to his palanquin and stepped into it, waving away his attendant’s offer of help.

“Let’s go now,” he ordered. 

* * *

Zuko had only just slammed his bedroom door behind him when he found Katara launching herself at him yet again. He staggered back at the impact but caught her in his arms. They laughed as he regained his footing, and he lifted her clear off the floor. 

Katara squeaked and tightened her grip around his shoulders in alarm. “Zuko!” 

He grinned and set her down gently on her feet. He ducked his head down to kiss her, and she met him halfway, her eyes closing. He’d never felt so carefree and reckless. His paperwork was piling up with every minute he was away from his desk, and yet he didn’t care. Not while Katara was here. Everyone would call him crazy if they knew. But he had missed her; had longed for her with abandon. 

They tumbled together onto the bed, laughing. Zuko fell onto his side awkwardly in an effort not to crush Katara, but she just tangled her fingers in his robes and pulled him on top of her, giggling wildly.

Zuko laughed, pressing his hand to her cheek. When their laughter subsided, he said, “I’ve missed you.”

Katara’s eyes softened. “I’ve missed you too. So much.” 

“I love you.” Zuko kissed her swiftly. “I’ve been dying to say that for months. I still can’t believe you wouldn’t let me say it back the first time.”

Katara let out a peal of laughter. “I was a little cruel, wasn’t I?” She smiled. “I love you,” she said, and she craned her head upwards, seeking him. Zuko bent down to kiss her. His eyes closed in contentment. 

Katara broke their kiss abruptly. “Zuko– your wound!” He hummed, disinterested, and leaned in to kiss her again. But she pushed him gently off her and to the side. Zuko landed on the bedsheets, groaning an exaggerated _oomph_.

Katara sat up, pulling his outer robes off. She started unbuttoning his dress shirt. Zuko would’ve teased her if not for her solemn expression. “Has it been twinging lately?” 

Zuko hesitated. “A little bit.”

Katara frowned at him as she summoned water to her hands from the jar at his bedside table. “Be honest,” she said, pressing her water-gloved hands to his abdomen. He sucked in a breath. The water was disconcertingly cold against the warmth of his skin. 

"I am."

Katara’s water glowed. In his room, dimly-lit by candles, it was bright enough to cast a sheen over her face. Zuko watched her. Her eyebrows were furrowed in concentration, her lips thinning. 

“You look beautiful when you’re healing.” Zuko rested his hand on her knee. 

“Hush,” Katara scolded, but there was a little smirk at the corner of her lips. 

When she finished, she bent the water into his bathtub at the far side of the room. At his questioning look, she explained, “You can’t drink that anymore, and I haven’t perfected a technique for cleansing water yet.” 

Zuko raised his eyebrows. “ _Yet_? So you’re working on it? Impressive.” 

Katara shrugged, a wry twist to her smile. “Not just me. Some of the healers in the North Pole too. Maybe they’re not allowed to fight, not yet, but they’ve been developing their bending in different ways.”

“That’s pretty cool.” Zuko sat up. “Maybe they should talk to some of the Fire Nation’s healers one day. I know our healers are coming up with some filtration techniques, but they’re still in progress. They could work together, or the North’s healers could offer some insight.” 

Katara’s face lit up. “That sounds like a great idea. I’ll write to Chief Arnook and the healers tomorrow.” She took his hand. “You’ve been seeing a masseuse, right? Your injury has definitely improved since I last saw you.”

Zuko gripped Katara’s hand and nodded. Katara turned her head to kiss him, soft and sweet. Zuko closed his eyes, tangling his free hand in Katara’s hair. 

Eventually, they migrated to the head of the bed, Katara burrowing against his side. “You’re so warm,” she sighed. 

He chuckled and ran his fingers through her hair. “By the way, does your dad suspect something?” 

Katara looked up and arched her eyebrows. “Where did you get that idea?” 

“Well.” Zuko leaned back. “He was a little abrupt earlier.” 

“Oh. He was just worn out from the journey. Also, he doesn’t know you very well. He’ll get to know you eventually, and he’ll like you,” Katara assured. She grinned at him. “You trust me, don’t you?”

“Of course.” Zuko pulled Katara closer by her waist, catching her lips in a stolen kiss. Katara’s fingers traced over the bare nape of his neck and scratched lightly over his scalp. His eyes closed with a sigh. 

“Can I ask you something?” she murmured, her voice low. The hairs on his arms stood up, and suddenly Zuko felt hyperaware of how close she was.

Zuko tucked his face into Katara’s neck, feeling her soft skin against his cheek. “Sure.”

Katara’s hand pressed lightly against his chest, pushing him away a little. Zuko shifted backwards reluctantly so he could see Katara’s face. She tilted her face to the side. “The rumours about your betrothal to Mai.” 

Zuko grimaced. “Yes? They’re totally false.” 

Katara hummed noncommittally. “Yes. But rumours come from somewhere, and some are steeped in truth.” 

Zuko searched her eyes. “It is true that my council wants me to choose a wife,” Zuko said slowly. “But it’s not true that it's Mai they want. It’s not really anyone in particular.”

Katara looked back at him, frowning. “But you’re so young. Why do they want you to get married now?” 

“Well, an heir would help stabilize my position,” Zuko said wryly. “In case something were to… happen to me.” 

Katara scoffed. “Again, you’re young. What could possibly happen?” 

“The Fire Nation might seem peaceful now, but there are always rumours of disquiet. A country is rarely ever content. And assassination attempts aren’t out of the question either.” 

Katara’s mouth twisted and her eyes grew round. Zuko reached out to grab her hand. “Don’t worry. My guards would never let anything like that happen. I’m perfectly safe.”

“No, it’s not that.” Katara’s voice was low. “It’s just that you’re working so hard already. I don’t know what more they expect from you.”

“It’s just a minority of the people,” Zuko started to say, but Katara frowned at him. 

“Are you patronizing me?” 

Zuko held his hands up. “No, I’m not.” 

“Just because I don’t know much about how the Fire Nation works doesn’t mean I don’t understand political strife!” Katara gestured wildly with her hands. “You’re underestimating the issue.” 

Zuko shrugged. “Just like all the other Nations, we’re recovering from the war. Change, even when it’s for the better, is always going to make some people angry.”

“Spoken like a true Fire Lord.” Katara arched her eyebrows. “So what do you say when your council nags you about marriage?”

“I ignore them. My council can nag me all they want. I have no intention of marrying soon, and I’m not going anywhere

Katara smiled. She opened her mouth and closed it, seeming to check herself. She drew his hand into her lap and traced little patterns on his palm. There was obviously something else on her mind, so Zuko just watched her in silence. 

“You know,” Katara began. “I was thinking a lot, about what we mean to each other.”

Zuko tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear. “I've been thinking about that too.” He had kept himself busy while Katara was away, but his efforts to distract himself were usually futile. Katara was never far from his mind. 

Katara licked her lips. She stared straight into his eyes. “Do you think they would ever accept me as Fire Lady?”

Zuko stilled. 

He would be lying if he said he hadn’t ever thought about it. He had thought about it ever since they’d gotten together. Katara, by his side in the throne room, dressed in the red-and-gold robes of a Fire Lady. Katara working with his council; together with the city’s healers; journeying out to visit and hear the concerns of smaller villages. Katara with himself, in a royal portrait for all to see, their stances as imposing as if they were Gods. And one day… Katara growing round with their children. They’d have Katara’s hair, maybe his eyes or hers. The line of succession demanded that they have one Firebender, or at least a non-bender - but Zuko didn’t mind if the rest were Waterbenders. For the first time in history, the royal children would be given a mix of Fire Nation and Water Tribe names. 

The prospect of being the one to make all those historical records sounded dizzying. There had never been a Fire Lady from another Nation before. Maybe it was impossible. Maybe it wasn’t. 

It was a future full of doubts. 

But he would be lying if he said he wasn’t tempted by it anyway. So he didn’t try to lie. He ran his hands through his hair. “I can’t ask that of you.” 

Katara gripped his hand tight. Sweat was building between their palms. “And what if I’m willing to give it to you?”

Zuko closed his eyes and tugged his hand away. “You deserve better. I told you, I won’t ask that of you.”

There was a brief silence before Katara burst out. “No. You won’t fight for us, that’s what you won’t do. You won’t even consider it! You–” She cut herself off, hissing a breath out from between gritted teeth. She moved away from him on the bed, her shoulders curving in on herself. 

“Katara…” Zuko edged closer to her. “I have considered it. Many more times than you’ll ever know.” 

She was silent, but she turned her head, regarding him curiously. 

“Being Fire Lady isn’t a walk in the park–”

“I know it isn’t,” Katara interjected. 

Zuko shook his head. “I know you’d never back down from a challenge. But it’s not just about that. It would take a toll on you. The courtiers can be shallow and judgmental. They whisper. The gossip would be hard for anyone, but it might be worse for you because you’re Water Tribe. And it wouldn’t be so easy for us to travel out of the Fire Nation frequently.” 

The sides of Katara’s eyes creased with uncertainty as he spoke. 

In another life, who knew how things would have turned out. Maybe Zuko and Katara would have pined after each other in silence, married other people. His thoughts shifted to Aang. Aang, who was free to travel the world as he wished, who Zuko knew loved Katara too. He knew it, as much as it made his insides writhe. Or maybe Katara would have wed someone from the Northern Water Tribe, someone Hakoda would approve of and go seal-hunting with. 

The candles in his room flickered. His face must have shown something of his thoughts, because Katara asked, “What are you thinking about?”

Mai had repeatedly told him that he had issues with jealousy. He didn’t need to scare Katara away now. “Nothing.” 

“Don’t lie to me,” Katara whispered. 

“I was thinking… Aang could give you everything I can’t,” Zuko confessed, hating himself as he did. “You’d be free to travel the world… you could live in the Southern Water Tribe. You could help people anywhere. Being Fire Lady, it’s a job. It’s not just about being my wife.” 

“Have you ever thought that this is my choice to make?” Katara refuted. Her voice was thick. She leaned in close, but didn’t touch him. “Are you doubting me?”

“No, I’m not! But this isn’t about how powerful or how smart you are. It would drain you, take everything away from you–” Like it had taken everything from his mother. Ruined her life, maybe even led to her death. But those words wouldn’t come to his mouth. “I don’t want to do that to you.” 

“And I don’t want to leave your side!” Katara burst out, her voice breaking. Zuko looked to her in alarm and saw that she was crying, tears freely dripping down her face. His heart wrenched at the sight, and he scrambled to draw her into his arms. Katara curled herself into his chest, burying her face in his chest. The force of her sobbing wracked her entire body in his arms. He clenched his arms tighter around her back as if it would stem her outpour of emotion somehow. 

“I’m sorry,” Zuko choked, not even sure what he was sorry for. It wasn’t until he spoke that he realized tears were slipping from his eyes and into Katara’s hair. They felt like release. He was leaning on Katara as heavily as she was on him. He hadn’t realized how tense he’d been while she was away. 

“It’s not you.” Katara sniffled. “It’s this world.” Her hands splayed against his chest. “Aang is my best friend, but I don’t want him. I want you.”

Zuko closed his eyes. If he was in another world, he wouldn't be Fire Lord. Maybe he’d be serving tea someplace. Maybe he’d be born at the Water Tribes or on Kyoshi Island. Maybe there would never have been a war. But maybe he and Katara would never have met in that world. 

Katara sniffled. “Why are we arguing now, of all times? We’ve been apart for so long. I didn’t picture us reuniting like this.” 

“I don’t know,” Zuko muttered. He ran his hand over her hair, trying to soothe her. Katara clutched onto him, her slight body trembling under his hands. 

_I need you_. He felt the words stick in his throat. He buried his face in her dark hair, letting it surround him. He wanted to stay here forever, with her, in this room. Where no one would intrude on them. 

As if he was broadcasting his thoughts to the world, there was a loud knock on the door. It startled Katara so badly she jerked in his arms and looked up at him, her eyes wide and panicked. 

Zuko’s attendant spoke through the door. “My Lord, Councilman Shun wishes to discuss an urgent matter.”

Zuko sighed and wiped his eyes briskly. He sniffed, but his nose was a bit congested. “Didn’t I tell him I wasn’t to be disturbed?” he grumbled under his breath. He disentangled himself from Katara to turn and shout at the door, but Katara’s hand on his lips stopped him. 

“Tell him you’ll join him in a few minutes,” Katara murmured. 

“What? No, I won’t. I wanted to spend more time with you.” 

“Your country needs you.” Katara smoothed her hands over his dress shirt. Katara’s hair had fallen over her face. Zuko couldn’t see her expression. 

“It can wait, Uncle can handle it–” Zuko tried to say, but Katara shook her head. 

“I need to see to Qing Shan anyway. I left her with her favourite of your guards.” Katara stepped back from him, walking to the bed. She picked up his headpiece and turned back to him. Her eyes were puffy and red, but otherwise, her face gave nothing away. 

“My Lord?” His attendant called again, his voice muffled by the door. 

Zuko hesitated. Katara raised her eyebrows at him. 

“I’ll be there,” Zuko shouted at the direction of the door. He turned back to her. “It’s probably just something petty. I can come with you to find Qing Shan.” 

“If it’s so petty, why did he use the word ‘urgent’?” Katara shot back. Her voice was hoarse, but it still bit into him. “Maybe you need to give your men vocabulary lessons.” She stood on her tiptoes, reaching up, gold glimmering against her dark skin. She tucked his headpiece carefully into his topknot, her gentle touch at odds with her tone. 

Zuko caught her waist between his hands and pulled her closer. “I don’t want to leave,” he said, knowing he sounded petulant. 

Katara’s eyes softened. “I don’t want you to leave either.” She touched her palm to his cheek, turning his face towards her. She kissed him. They stood there for a moment, silent, their heads bent towards each other. Creating a little space between them that was just theirs.

He listened to her quiet breaths until she backed away. His arms fell to his sides awkwardly. 

“Go, Zuko,” she whispered. Her face was sombre but resolute. 

“I’ll see you again tonight,” he told her, desperate. Katara nodded. 

In the corridor, his attendant struggled to keep pace with his broad strides. Zuko rubbed his hand over his jaw roughly. His stubble rasped against the tender skin of his palm. 

He felt hollowed out inside, like he’d left a part of himself behind with Katara. And he had. There was no separating himself from Katara any longer. 

It was time he stopped denying it to himself.

**Author's Note:**

> Please do leave kudos if you liked this, and let me know what you guys think of this fic in the comments! 🙂 Here’s a shout-out to all the couples forced into LDRs this year due to Covid! 
> 
> I was hoping I could publish two more works for this Recognition series during Zutara Week, but unfortunately I couldn’t finish them in time. If you guys are interested in this series, feel free to subscribe to it though - I’m aiming publish more work in this series at some point in the future!


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